To Surrender First We Must Accept….
Grant me the serenity…
The toxic relationships romantic and otherwise, the thought patterns that went round and round like a Lunar Park ride and that threw it’s hands up in the air like it just didn’t care, as well as the nauseating feeling in the pit of my stomach, my head was obsessed with keeping me remembering the times that were of no good to me and feeling stuck at every turn asking…”Why?”….and of course the good old classic… “Why me?”.
Intransigently, over and over again there it was the same questions and the same answers time and time again. As I paused to take a breath I knew that there was some rational thinking in there somewhere, that meditation would help on a daily basis, connection with friends and family would help too, yet there felt like a defect within me that just would not reach out to such resources. I wanted to be in this state and yet I didn’t want to feel either.
…to accept the things I cannot change…
The trigger for me was seeing the perpetrator for my trauma, living and seeming to have this wonderful life when I knew what they had done to me was so sick and hurtful, deep suffering on all levels and not being able to move forward despite trying and how oh how do they move on and have a life, where’s the justice in that? And can you hear me in the back yet?….WHY ME??
The more I work through the traumas and triggers in my life and how they have and continue to play out, the more I see clearly not only in behavior but energetically as well. I work to surrender which always comes back to the same thing, it always comes back to acceptance.
…courage to change the things I can…
I have to do the work, I have to put action in, I have to dig deep, for me there is no end date to recovering and allowing myself not to repress feelings and thoughts but integrating and liberating instead. I have to ask my body does it accept those fates that happened to me? Does it accept that my past is my past? Does it accept that my past happened for a reason and I’m here now feeling resourced and loved, feeling fully back to my original essence? Can I accept that in order for me to move on I have to look at my behaviors, and I have to accept my part in things as well, that was really, really hard and as soon as I did that, I surrendered and still I have to do the work, I surrender to my own behaviors and my part in situations, I surrender to my awareness and I surrender to my unconscious.
…and the wisdom to know the difference.
When I find discomfort it is because a person, place, thing or situation is unacceptable to me, for example I can’t find logic in a behavior - so that person who was rude to me has made me so angry and it makes me not accept them or the fact that I can’t accept that I’m angry, I don’t like that the place I live in makes it hard for me to get to the shops, I don’t like that my fridge hums so loudly and it annoys me and I don’t like the situation of seeing others moving forward when I feel so stuck, it makes me feel worthless. I’ll not be able to find peace and comfort until I accept what is. Unless I completely and utterly accept life on life’s terms I will be upset and operating on a low vibration for life. I need to focus on what needs to be changed in ME and MY attitudes rather than concentrating on what needs to be changed in the world, I can’t control people, places or things but I can control my behavior and how I go about navigating the world and all it has to offer for me to learn. I can control being kind and compassionate. I can control the projection of love and grace. I can control my words.
As part of my daily meditation routine I also set intentions and the first thing I do is give love, peace and kindness to those that I have judged or see as a perpetrator. Someone who has made me angry, upset or I feel has wronged me in someway gets a face full of love and kindness from me. Now don’t get me wrong…this is not easy and there’s an element of fake it until you make it involved at the first onslaught of love, once you get over the initial resistance it becomes beautiful. There is a part of deep healing work that is required and that is getting to the root cause of the issue and problem within, that’s where the transformation from victim to thriver happens and for me that’s how I transformed to be very aware of my own behaviors and how I show up in the world. I had to simply accept all that I am, all that I have been and all that I present to the world today. Day by day, moment to moment.
Here are a few things you can do to try accepting:
Set intentions to the person, place or thing to send them love, kindness, grace and humility;
Meditate on it, ask your body if it can accept the situation and if it can’t that’s ok…accept that as well!;
It’s ok to grieve those things that cannot be changed, just remember to move forward;
Journal what your struggling to accept or any strong feelings you’re having like anger or sadness, who or what they’re with and look at what your part is - be sure to keep these safe and private;
As with looking at our part in the acceptance of things, try looking at the situation from a different angle…Is the situation forever? Can you learn anything from the situation? Can you actually make a change and is fear preventing you? Does your attitude need to change?;
Use gratitude lists - write down 10 things you are grateful for, this may help to put the situation into new light for you;
Choose not to judge - remember that you are not in control of people, places, things or situations and use resources that resonate with you like Universal energy, Mother Earth, Source or any Higher Power that is outside of yourself to remind you of this, there are greater powers bigger than us at play here!
So much love to you, speak soon.
XXX
