F*cking Shame.

I sat in the hood of her cloak as she loomed down upon the shattered parts of me that were lying on the bed, her lip raised on one side, sneering.

This destruction she had caused, this rupture in my control and this delay of my life with the incessant memories and unforgiven mistakes, she’s the part of me that steals me from my body and keeps me as an on looker to my life.

I felt such desire to liberate this misery with pleasure and as I felt a surge of bliss run through me, so too did I feel the shame and I dropped from her hood back into my body, back into the shame that had caused a discord in my life and that had taken up space inside of me.

From all the times I had been a perpetrator and all the times I had been a victim, all the times I had given into the pain and stayed in her hood, hiding and quietly dying inside, wilting within in her shadow, never to be seen or heard…just numb.

I embodied the pleasure and felt it move over, through and around me I dropped into my body more and more.

Shame nor pleasure need exist on it’s own they can co-exist and create a thriving ecosystem within.

I never need to sacrifice one for the other, I never need to departmentalise, a cohesive existence can be had.

Once again I let go and I surrendered to the agony from my past, I used my breath to move the shame around my body and allowed sensual touch and orgasmic rhythm to thrust me into a place of purifying and releasing of old stories.

With each deep breath and jolt of pleasurable exhale I dropped decrepit beliefs back in to the soil of Mother Earth, grateful that these anecdotes have been given back and wildly grateful that I have these practices that do not make me shy away from all my parts.

I met with Divine who held me in wave after wave of ecstasy and I felt supported and held.

The pleasure does not mask nor does it bypass - with every sound and movement I make I can liberate the tall tales and create sensual, empowered and loving truths.

I get to have an abundance of experiences of which neither are good or bad and it lets me live a life where I can be with all my emotions and feelings and express them in a way that they can exist side by side.